Courageous Intention

“You tell life what you want, and life tells you how to get it. When you ask for soulmate love, you must listen if life says, but not with them. When you ask for prosperity, you must listen if life says, but not like this. When you ask for belonging, you must listen if life says, but not here. What feels on the surface like rejection is often redirection. When you ask for a big life, you cannot keep fighting for a smaller one to stay. “
~ Brianna Wiest

A picture of Day 13 from the Pivot Year by Brianna Wiest has been the wallpaper on my phone for over year, and it still hasn’t faded into the background (despite it literally being my background…). It is a continuous reminder of two things I so (too) often forget.

1) You are not in control.
2) Let go with grace. Even when you don’t want to.

Letting go sounds liberating, wise, and easy when it comes to the things that don’t fit into our plan – the things that can be written off in later chapters as lessons learned, speed bumps we encountered, near misses that almost derailed us on our clear path to the life we want.

Letting go of the places and things we love, the relationships and work we have invested ourselves into, the ones that have helped form our present, the ones we were sure would be a part of our future – THAT is not so easy.

Accepting that some places are only home to part of the story, that some experiences don’t stretch beyond that one chapter, and that some people only make an appearance in the prologue – especially when they are the places, experiences, and relationships we have cherished the most and worked the hardest for - that takes courage. That can be scary – and painful. But intentionally letting go of what is gone - and of the boundaries, rules, and expectations that so often cause us to feel tied to them - frees up space for what is here.

What new creative ideas would rise to the surface if you freed yourself from “the plan”? Instead of continuing to struggle with the failing project you’ve put so much time, energy, blood, sweat, tears – so much of yourself – into, could you admit to others what you’ve been thinking to yourself, “this isn’t working”? Cut your losses, chalk it up to sunk costs and lessons learned?

What dreams could grow into reality if you took your blinders off and let go of that old goal? Instead of continuing to chase the ultimate promotion, the title that you’ve focused on your entire career and made so many sacrifices for - what if you accept that you’ll never make it? Accept that the promotion will never be yours, or accept that once it is, you won’t have “made it”. That it could actually come with a sense of “is this it?” and regret for those sacrifices you made and what could have been instead. Letting go doesn’t have to mean stepping out of the running for the promotion (although it might), it means accepting you cannot control that decision. You could do everything right, you could be the “perfect” person for the role because of your efforts – and you still might not land in that chair. What would you do differently today if you knew you wouldn’t achieve that goal?

What about that person… that mentor you can’t seem to pin down anymore, that “almost love” that felt like it must be destined to go the distance, that soured friendship torturing you with its lack of closure… Instead of chasing, regretting, or fretting over what went wrong – what if you let it go? What if you appreciate it for what it was and accept that it is no longer? What relationships with people who are in your life today could you put that time and energy toward? How much lighter would you feel?

It’s miserable to continue to struggle with failing plans, places we have outgrown, goals that seem to always be just beyond your reach, or relationships you wish you could hold onto – but it’s painful to let go of them instead. So, you choose to stay the course despite the misery – because at least that choice is comfortable.

The other choice, letting go, is a choice to first mourn what once was or could have been. It is a choice to release yourself from expectations, admit defeat, and live with whatever they will think of you.
But… if you have the courage to intentionally choose all of that – you get new choices, choices that are here in front of you, right now.